Movie Cynics THIRST DVD Review & Drinking Game!

The director of this movie is one Jeremy Kasten, who will be directing the upcoming movie, The Wizard of Gore starring Crispin Glover. I would not mention Kasten’s future products if I had not been so impressed with his directorial style. Much of Kasten’s movie is Spartan in its vision; however, when the violence hits it hits like a piano dropped off of a fifteen story building. The scenes of violence in this film are so frenetic and revelrous that I found myself smiling at the screen. The slick editing and use of cinematic trickery only added to the fevered pitch of the violence. If this is any indication of Kasten’s potential, then he will have a bright future in the horror biz. The only bad news is that the visuals weren’t as crisp as they could be and the look of the film clearly suffers from low-budgetitis, not Kasten’s fault, but still a drawback.

The best thing about this movie is the amazing amount of gore. I can’t remember the last time I saw so many throats ripped out in a movie… and it all looked amazing. It may have been a little over the top at times, but this is the stuff cult horror movies are made of. Blood sprays the screen in unforgiving geysers as the eccentric vampire family members trade clever quips. The vampires slaughter whole rooms of people at a time, snapping limbs, ripping out throats, and spraying blood in every conceivable direction. These vampires are definitely not casting longing looks at each other from across the room… unlike one particular vampire movie that I know.

In the end, this film is like a combination of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation and Near Dark… not a combination that most people will love, but for the diehard horror fan it is definitely a good thing. The junky parallel story is a little much to stomach at times, but the rest of the movie really makes up for it. Keep an eye out for several veiled Manson Family references.

Final Synopsis: This is a brutal, over the top vampire movie. It has its flaws, so for low budget haters out there, you should definitely pass this up. Vampire fans may be disappointed that these are not your sexy Interview with a Vampire undead, but if you like your vampires a little less fruity and more action oriented, then this is definitely worth a rent. I myself do not regret buying it.


This drinking game is to be played with The Thirst and lots of beer (just in case you didn’t read the title, moron).

1 drink – every time someone says “family”

1 drink – every time someone speaks in a Southern accent

1 drink – every time someone speaks in a British accent

1 drink – every time someone speaks in an Eastern European accent

1 drink – every time a throat gets ripped out

1 drink – every time a one is broken

1 drink – every time you see a tattoo

The Red Wings Challenge: Continuous drinking while blood is actively gushing or flowing on the screen.

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